*caution* Whining ahead

I need to exercise more. :(

I don't need to lose weight (if anything, I need to gain weight), but I am not at all physically fit. Riding my bike around the block makes my thighs burn and puts me out of breath. *cry* My parents are still living and so are 3/4 of my grandparents so for the most part there is some decent longevity in my history, but I worry that because I am so out of shape I am going to have a heart attack at an early age or something. :( :(

My problems with exercising are this: I don't have a lot of free time to myself, make that almost no free time. I have to tell Shorty and Midge to beat it if I want to use the bathroom in private *roll eyes* and if I put in an exercise video they all want to join in. I know, a good mother would let them exercise with me, but our living room isn't all that huge and frankly it isn't all that fun to exercise as it is, and it's even worse when you are getting thwacked in the head and your feet stepped on. *heavy sigh* I could join a gym or Curves or something, but then the child care issue comes back--I don't feel like it would be very responsible of me to ditch my children for an hour or so three times a week just so I could exercise. We have a stepper, but that makes me feel inadequate because after a couple minutes I am dying of burning muscles.

TME tells me that I am also not properly motivated, that I need a clear goal. I guess he doesn't see "not dying" as a very good goal. :P But it's not like I can say "lose 10 pounds" or something similar as a goal. He suggests I use "lowering my resting heart rate" as a goal, but that just doesn't seem very doable to me, plus it's rather boring. My heart rate already fluctuates like crazy due to my thyroid so I don't know if we could even accurately track that as a goal. I would like to have more nicely shaped, muscley arms, but that's a pretty lame goal too.

In case you haven't noticed, my pessimism is at a high point when I get started talking about exercise. I am stuck in the quandary of being negative about everything, yet feeling constant guilt about not working on it. *blah*